Wednesday, January 10, 2007
it has not been
and it will not be one of those winters (at least not figuratively - we will have to see what happens in the real world).
See this is the time of the year, that I often find myself walking down an all too familiar path. I get depressed and restless. I know from dear blog friends that this is a time to embrace the good darkness and I do - in fact, I love grey wintry days - I find them uncommonly beautiful. But somehow the bad darkness sneaks in.
Then I make a series of mistakes that I usually do not step out of until mid-fall.
I will not walk go down those paths this winter. I will not get up to here in those mistakes. I won't. I need help God because the old feelings that set me up to choose the wrong paths are at war in me. I had to pray myself to sleep last night and I still woke up with 'that' feeling in the pit of my stomach and that restless anger from my youth nibbling around the edges of all the goodness I now know. Only God can divert me, this I know.
Help me, God.
(A photo from January 9 - last year - we can see the ground this year).