Thursday, May 17, 2007

love letters from God: same but different

When we had C, we chose not to know her gender before birth. My MIL was adamant that we have a boy even though we both wanted only girls. Because my MIL was so insistent, I mentally prepared myself for a boy. I cried when I held my little girl. I am not even a crier. I didn't cry at my wedding or on my honeymoon or...

When we had K, we chose to discover her gender. There were several reasons for the decision but I will say this for those who wonder. It is fun to do it both ways. Both ways create a sense of expectation. I cried when I found out she was a girl. I had once again mentally prepared myself for a boy and for the same reasons.

While I was pregnant with K, I couldn't imagine her in anyway but just like C. She very quickly disabused us of that idea. Where C was fussy and hated to nurse. K was a champion nurser and much more laid back unless her limits were stretched. Interestingly, while in most ways (keeping in mind that K is still very much in the terrible two/three stage) C is still more uptight and K is still more laid back.

However, it is easier to get C to change her mind than it is to get K to change her mind. Not that change is easy for either of them. ;)

C was never a particularly cuddly baby although she did liked to be held all the time. Was it a function of being a first-born with novice parents or a function of who she is? I would say a bit of both. Even now, C likes to have you near her so that she can keep a running commentary pouring into your ears.

K was much easier to put down and seemed to enjoy having her own space and yet she is the physically affectionate child. Sometimes I beat myself over the head with the fact that it is my fault that C isn't physically attune to affection. I was depressed a great deal during her first year and so I often think maybe I distanced her.

I was put on anti-depressants before K was born and I was much more affectionate with her. But maybe that is simply hindsighting as Madeliene L'Engle would put it.

K is much more phsyical in her approach to life - much more physically gifted than C.

C is a global learner, K seems to be much, much more analytical.

I could go on and on about both their physical and emotional differences. But I won't bore you. However, I will say this.

They love each other passionately. The first person they want to see in the morning is their sister. And they stick up for each other and comfort each other against their 'unfair' parents. And because they love each other passionately. They fight passionately and sometimes dislike the other passionately. But it is the love that always wins out.

The fact that they are different is a never-ending source of delight and amazement to me. It is a journey of discovery both for them and for me.

And I will say this I am very, very glad God made them different. Sometimes I wish they were the same, it would be nice to be able to use the same methods on both. Easier for a slow-learner like me to apply what I learned from C to K. But most the time, I am just plain glad. Having two of me running around wouldn't be any fun. It is much more fun to have a foil for our personalities.

As different as they may be, they both own my heart.

To read more love letters check out Wendy's special blog.


  1. That was beautiful Me!

    Some time ago a mom about to have her second babe asked me how it was possible to love a second baby as much as the first: and the only answer I could think of was that the second is not the first, they are themselves and you love that person not the number.

    I love the differences amongst my kids, and although I do wish I had universal methods which worked for them all, I would be lost if any of them ever changed.

    Kids ... :)


  2. When my girls were born (they're 34 and 31 now), we didn't have the option of determining gender. I did like the element of surprise and I wanted girls both times. I grew up with five brothers and it was time for a little girl action.

    I have often said that the only similarity between the two of them is that they are both female. They couldn't possibly be any different, yet they love each other dearly. It's a beautiful thing!

  3. well, I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but your photographs just tell the story of your words before I even read them...

    Your photographs are such a gift, ME :)

  4. This was so moving Me, especially those heart in hand flowers. Just like your girls hearts are in your hands : )

    Paix, Wendy

  5. "As different as they may be, they both own my heart"
    Well said.

  6. ahhh I can so relate to this.. I'm in my 7th pregnancy (on 4th to term though) and I can relate so very much all 3 of my babies are so very different and things like with Miss H; my oldest I was so stressed when I was pregnant with her, she still displays "stress" issues, my 2nd oldest (the boy) is a much more relaxed baby and after him my 3rd was even happier.. they love each other som much and it's amazing to watch.. I do however wish they'd learn how to sleep from their oldest sister!
    hugs and prayers! (I found out all 4 genders b/c of my previous losses.. and even though I was prepared, it still amazes me that those machines are right! lol)