Wednesday, December 13, 2006

i am the problem


This is the hardest principle within Christian spirituality for me to deal with. The problem is not out there; the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest.
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That night, after Tony and I talked, I rode my motorcycle up to Mount Tabor...It is really something beautiful. I went there to try to get my head around the idea, this idea that the problem in the universe lives within me. I can't think of anything more progressive than the embrace of this fundamental idea.
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I think God is wanting a relationship with you and that starts by confessing directly to Him. He is offering forgiveness.

"You aren't making this easy Don. I don't exactly believe I need a God to forgive me of anything."

I know. But that is what I believe is happening. Perhaps you can see it as an act of social justice. The entire world is falling apart because nobody will admit they are wrong. But by asking God to forgive you, you are willing to own your own crap.
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I had no explanation for Laura. I don't think there is an explanation. My belief in Jesus did not seem rational or scientifc and yet there was nothing I could do sepearte myself from this belief...I think one of the problems Laura was having was that she wanted god to make sense. He doesn't. He will make no more sense to me than I will make sense to an ant.


Excerpts from the first fifty eight pages of a book I started last night. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.

Sarah - a little wave - sounds like something we were discussing earlier!

6 comments:

  1. That's a biggy dearie...but with repentence comes an incredible freedom. It's just taking that first step, which for non-believers is absolutely huge.

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  2. That is the book that I plan on reading before year's end...I heard it was awesome!!! I absolutely love the depth of emotion that your photographs portray...they are deeply moving and I enjoy them...they reflect the photographers soul at best.

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  3. P&S

    I hope it is clear the entire post is a collection of quotes from a book I am reading...I thought what he said and how he dealt with it was interesting...I that recognizing that we are the problem is huge...I also think that he is correct in that God wants a relationship with us and that we need to confess our sins before we can enter into that relationship.

    M

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  4. Yes! It's that final realisation that we a) need forgiveness and b) that we don't deserve it. He gives it to us nonetheless if we admit a & b. The interesting thing is that we can't admit a & b unless God shines that light in and reveals the darkness we would never have known was there if we hadn't opened the door to Him in the first place. So what can start of with the "what's all this about Jesus all about?" can end up with total repentence and that inexplicable freedom that P&S mentions. That is that the freedom is so inexplicable because if you look at it from the outside it doesn't look like freedom at all, but when you're in it, it is.

    Sorry long seemingly disconnected thought process that seemed totally connected until I clicked 'preview'.

    Hugs.

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  5. ...ha I started a big explanation of what I really meant but nothing is making sense and my eyes are drooping so it's away to bed for me.

    Sounds a great book...perhaps one for the list?

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  6. See now there is another book I have/want to read ... so many good books ... so little uninterupted child free time ... (sigh) ... onto the list it goes, hoping in things unseen and all that ... Krina

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