I am feeling melancholy - I was doing better. A prescription for my sinus infection and the well-being induced by no longer having pressure and aching helped immensely. The sense of satisfaction at finishing Shakespeare with a bang - a job well-done - felt great.
But I've been looking at summer activities for the girls and suddenly I realized that C is too old for VBS. She gets to go to Grandparent's Camp but only because she has gone before. Otherwise, she is too old.
How did my baby get too old? I love watching her grow. I have tremendous joy in watching her grow; watching her develop into her own unique person. Yet, suddenly I realize that those same joyful milestones are markers of something passed - there are no backward journeys in life.
I wonder, am I appreciating the gifts God has given me enough? I realize that I can't do this journey without God. I know not all who follow me share the same faith as I do but it is the only solution I have to this melancholy. If I didn't believe there was a purpose and still more to come, I would find the bitterness mixed with the sweet almost intolerable.
God's purposes are beyond my comprehension and His blessings are an endless source of amazement to me. Sometimes, I just get caught up in the dailiness of this world.
My prayer is that my family will always live in God's mercy and grace. That we will always seek Him.
I can't imagine what it must be like for parent's to watch their children walk away from God.
I would not deny my children the chance to grow. Growing is one of the most satisfying things we do. It can be painful but the results are always worthwhile.
I want the girls to always have a passion for loving and learning and growing and God.
I am so proud of this girl, I could bust. But I miss the baby - Sigh.
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What a lovely post Melissa. Our children will grow despite us, won't they? I think cherishing each moment, being present (as some say), is all we can do in the face of passing time.
ReplyDeleteBe well.
I have a feeling that C will be close to you no matter what. You have kept her close and she will return the favor. My CC must call me five times a day from college which is kind of a bit much. I feel a bit depressed about her going to Korea for a year in September but try to realize it is her dream. Hang in there Melissa, I have found every stage a joy.
ReplyDeleteSuch lovely tender feelings. Thank you for sharing, this is something each faithful parent faces. Love your fabric hearts!
ReplyDeleteMy baby is 20 now, and I certainly have felt and still feel many of these same feelings. It is heartening to see at this age that many of the lessons we have tried to instill in her have stuck. Faith in God is certainly one. Each new age/stage brings a change and my heart is either always ready to burst from being proud of her or the sadness of moving on to the next phase of life. She remains close to both my husband & myself and from your posts I can see that you share this same closeness with both of your girls. I feel sure it will always be this way.
ReplyDeleteI get this. I remember living it. Having adult children is wonderful. Truly wonderful. And always hold on to the fact that no matter what our children choose to do, God does not walk away from them.
ReplyDeleteA beautiful post. What you have written resonates deeply. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI could have/should have written this post. You didn't say one thing that I haven't been feeling.. your thoughts are eloquently conveyed here and those of us who know these things are nodding, sighing, tearing, praying.. with you! Blessings friend.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Debbie
**darling hearts by the way!