I am feeling melancholy - I was doing better. A prescription for my sinus infection and the well-being induced by no longer having pressure and aching helped immensely. The sense of satisfaction at finishing Shakespeare with a bang - a job well-done - felt great.
But I've been looking at summer activities for the girls and suddenly I realized that C is too old for VBS. She gets to go to Grandparent's Camp but only because she has gone before. Otherwise, she is too old.
How did my baby get too old? I love watching her grow. I have tremendous joy in watching her grow; watching her develop into her own unique person. Yet, suddenly I realize that those same joyful milestones are markers of something passed - there are no backward journeys in life.
I wonder, am I appreciating the gifts God has given me enough? I realize that I can't do this journey without God. I know not all who follow me share the same faith as I do but it is the only solution I have to this melancholy. If I didn't believe there was a purpose and still more to come, I would find the bitterness mixed with the sweet almost intolerable.
God's purposes are beyond my comprehension and His blessings are an endless source of amazement to me. Sometimes, I just get caught up in the dailiness of this world.
My prayer is that my family will always live in God's mercy and grace. That we will always seek Him.
I can't imagine what it must be like for parent's to watch their children walk away from God.
I would not deny my children the chance to grow. Growing is one of the most satisfying things we do. It can be painful but the results are always worthwhile.
I want the girls to always have a passion for loving and learning and growing and God.
I am so proud of this girl, I could bust. But I miss the baby - Sigh.