Sunday, March 11, 2007
a gift of great value
On certain days, I am moving along nicely. Doing the things that ought to be done. Doing things that are nice to do. Doing. And then I suddenly hit a hollow spot; it is as if I pushed through the invisible bubble that is the edge of a black hole’s event horizon. I am suddenly suspended in a place where I float in a certain knowledge that it is all meaningless. It is an ugly place because I am stuck on that horizon sucked in that awful suspension of time and meaning with not the strength to resist its gravity.
My reaction is to push. To push into a manic mode of moving – doing – activity – trying to withdraw emotionally from that edge. I am not pleasant to live with me when stuck on that even horizon because I am directionless and preoccupied. My focus gone; I don’t sit still. And that is when the existentialist reality seems plausible. I am just a rat running circles on a wheel in that empty cage – it means little unless I want it too.
Do you see the before and after theme? Summed up in one word: doing. My life defines doing as the activity of pushing against rest, which can be interpreted a movement against the simplest state of being. I am not much into being – my strength is in doing.
I am glad the Bible isn’t all about being. I might find myself on the other side of the door so busy doing that I never hear the knock that invites me to be His. I am glad He invites, even commands us into the work of doing His will. But sometimes I am so busy doing the right things; the things that ought to be done that I forget to sit as His feet like Mary to listen and to be.
Mary offered Him a gift of great value – she broke that bottle of perfume and she anointed Him. Is there any anointing in my doing? I am sitting at His feet? Am I listening? Today our minister talked of what our gifts of great value might be. In some things he said, I found a bit of myself but I am not sure. Perhaps, like Mary, I need to spend more time at His feet listening. Perhaps after I’ve filled myself with Him, I will discover what my gift of great value will be.