halloween, college, dress-up clothes, love - retrospective

Halloween 1990 (if I have my dates right). The year that around here is referred to as the year of the Halloween Blizzard. My friends and I were going to dress-up and fool around. It started snowing (it was actually rather deep by night time) and I had the idea to dress-up for Halloween and when people opened their doors we sang Christmas Carols to them. It really confused people. We had a lot of mixed responses.

I am the masked figure, - S is to my left, my bil is to my right, and S's sister is the hippy chick.


My friends and I were the oddballs on campus. S the guy with the beard and his sister were sort of the center of it. Their last name ended with an -esch - and so our group was called the -esch Mode (their last name) like Depeche Mode by outsiders. We called ourselves family. To this day if I run into people who from college they will say 'Oh, you were part of the -esch Mode.' If conversations run to mutual friends you might hear 'Oh, they were sort of part of the -esch Mode.'

S's sister is the recipient of the commission I posted earlier.

Sometimes I have mixed feelings about our rather exclusive group - but college was fun.


One night, we ran all over campus posing and having a friend take pictures of us. A lot of the poses are ideas taken from album covers - I have loads of these shots and they are among my favorites.


Hubby is in the middle - isn't he adorable? K is in front, I am to the left, hubby's sister is on top of him, and one of the Jens is to the right.



Which direction?


Weird hair night at the SUB. Any excuse was enough for my friends and I to go all out weird. K, me, and Tony. Tony is still dear to me. Everyone so often we go through a spate of emailing each other. He is married to a remarkable woman.


Mike married my SIL. I think I did his hair and make-up that night - in fact, I think he is wearing my lipstick.


The man who would be K's husband. They have three adorable children now.


I think K and I were waitresses for some theme night


K's roommate Wendy, K, me. Any excuse to dress-up was good enough for us.


My first date, sort-of, with hubby. We weren't exactly dating yet but he invited K and I to see Dances with Wolves with him and his friend Paul. K and I made a big deal out of the night and borrowed sweaters from hubby - he had a lot of grey and black sweaters. I think the hat I am wearing was his too.


The photo below is shortly after I started dating my hubby. Someday, perhaps, I will share the story - but not today. I think it must have been Hawaiian night if you can judge by the leis. I have several photos of hubby looking at me in adoration - I love them. Judging by the notepad in his lap, he is probably supposed to be studying for an engineering class.



I'm sure K took the photo - she is as much a photo-holic as me.

croup

We've never had croup here. Until last night. Last night I woke up at two-thirty to a sound like a seal barking in the living room. It was K. I think hubby hadn't woke me up because he was too busy trying to figure out how to get her to breathe. (Hubby doesn't usually come to bed until some time between 2:30-3:30 so he usually tends to that sort of thing. I wake up between 4:00 and 6:00 without an alarm clock so...) It took her ten minutes of barking to get her breath. I spent the rest of the night in the armchair with her. She was running nearly 104 degrees.

I took her to the doctor this morning. They gave her a steroid to help her throat. Hopefully, tonight is quieter.

It is alarming. I felt very bad for my baby.

tutorials for kids crafts

Easter Crafts

How to Make Easter Egg Monsters.
Inspirational Hand Print Crafts
Simple Thread Easter Eggs

Fun General Crafts

Apple Head Dolls
Mock Black-Leather Vase
Paper Mache Handprints
Phrenology Map Craft
Snow Gauge Craft for Kids
Spring Chicks in Eggs
Unstenciled Name Tag

Valentine's Day Crafts

Kid's Valentine's Cards

St Patrick's Day Crafts

Make a St Patrick's Day Potato Head

Groundhog's Day

Make a Groundhog Poke Out of a Hole

May Day

Easy to Make May Baskets for Kids

New Years Ideas

Ideas for New Year's Projects

Thanksgiving Crafts

Make a Thanksgiving Tree

President's Day

Make a Presidential Bobble Head and Other Ideas

Columbus Day

Incorporate Spices with History and Crafts to Celebrate Columbus Day

Paper Plate Crafts

Paper Plate Hen

Kenneth Branagh

He may not be handsome - he has no lips. But boy is Branagh wonderful. I think the first movie of his I ever saw was Henry V. At the time I didn't get it, but I loved the rendition of Non Nobis at the end of the movie. After viewing it a few more times I began to get it.

Three things make it a great movie in my mind, the battle (which was very realistic and I think inspired many period battle scenes that came after it), Non Nobis, and Branagh's presentation of the St Crispen's day speech. I would go to battle after hearing Branagh rally the troops in that fashion.

I still enjoy his movie Dead Again. I saw Hamlet twice in the theater. Did you know you cannot by it on DVD?

I know some scorned his handling of Love's Labour's Lost but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Friday night, we watched As You Like It. It is still with me. It is good when a movie sticks with you.

Someday I will have to write about Shakespeare and the incredible ability of his writing to stretch credulity but still be among the most captivating works in the English Language.

But not tonight. I would love to hear what you think of Branagh or Shakespeare.

kindergartener

Poor C has been sick this week. She has missed three days of school - I can hear her coughing up a lung in her bedroom. She is trying to nap but of course as soon as you lay down with a bad cold...

Of course, she wasn't too sick to color up K's face!!

The photo below is C's kindergarten photo - for a school photo it isn't bad.

war paint

I left the room to send an email to C's teacher this morning. I returned to find that C had decorated K's face much to the delight of both of them. It was very amusing to me too - it rather dismayed their father.






In case you are wondering, everything came off except the purple rings around her eyes. They've faded to a lighter shade but they are still very clearly there. She looks as if she has some bizarre rash.

A word to the wise: cheap washable markers don't wash off as well as Crayola washable markers.

I visited my doctor today and he was unhappy with my scores on the little questionnaire they had me fill out. We are working on a remedy and I am to see him again in six weeks.

one-year-olds

My husband and I both at the age of one.

My dress is one that my maternal grandfather picked out for me. It was white with yellow trim - it hangs in the guest bedroom now.

I find old photos fascinating for so many reasons. Photos of children are particularly compelling when you know the adult. It is fascinating to realize that this child in the image is the person you know but the child knows very little of what he is or what he will become.

It makes one think of the twists and turns life takes - decisions made and paths taken. One considers the points of no return that make us who we are - the points of no return that make our loved ones who they are. It helps appreciate the complexity of life and how beautiful life is because of that complexity and yet how painful it is.

These children are us - my husband and I with two children of our own. The memories are our's alone - summed up in the file cabinet of our mind - held in these frail bodies. The twenty years before hubby met me are his alone - I can only see them faintly and certainly not clearly. The nineteen years before I met him belong to me - they make me who I was - who he fell in love with - who I am but he cannot comprehend them.

Odd - we marry strangers and we become one. We share our lives and yet tucked away like a box in the attic is the person they met - the person we met - the person that seemed worth getting to know.

It is strange - we are ordained to leave our parents and cleave to one another. I think it was Steinbeck I read who wrote how cleaving means two very opposite things to tear apart and to bind tightly together and how words fascinated him because of those contradictions.

What part of cleaving is tearing apart - what part of marriage is separation? I think it is more than leaving our parents - there is a separation of the individual from one's self as you become something more - part of a we. A 'we' that begets a family and precedes to continue to march through the generations filling the earth.

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Have you ever held onto a Word?

I apologize for the meander...

parenting, depression, and mercy

Today I yelled at the girls. I am not one of those parents who never yell. While in many ways I’ve grown more patient and tolerant over the years, I am still woefully inadequate when it comes to my girls. Usually, however, yelling at them doesn’t throw me into the throes of guilt. Typically, my yelling does have a cause. While I shouldn’t have yelled, it wasn’t without a reason. I usually repent of it try again. Sometimes I fail and some days I am actually patient. However, today I yelled at the girls out of nothing but my own frustration. (It is starting to sound as if I yell at them all the time, which isn’t the case). As a result, I was filled with guilt.

Guilt. I was guilty. However, even after prayer, I let it drag me down. This is not surprising. This weekend I realized and accepted (have you ever noticed how it is important it is that those two should go together) that I am in a nice little depression. My little blue happy pills aren’t doing it for me. I don’t care. Nothing seems to matter. I sleep a lot even when I am rested. I eat massive quantities of food. I don’t care.

It is good that I lived with this for several years after I quit work and stayed home with C. I’ve probably messed her up for life (they say depressed parents with infants cause tremendous psychological damage) but I at least know how to cope. I know the minimal amount I need to do in a day to survive. I make supper first thing and try to take care of essentials like laundry. Then if I get a burst of ambition I can spend it where I want before I sink back into guilt and lethargy.

I suppose I ought to go to the doctor and tell him. But I am suffering from the same thing that caused me to deny the need for those little blue happy pills for so many years...the stubborn unwillingness to admit that I can’t control my moods and that I need someone or something else to do it for me. It irks me that I get this way. I guess the thing to do is remember what joy feels like and realize that without a miracle from God or a little medical assistance I will stay in these dungeons – I know. I’ve wasted a lot of my life in them.

Anyhow back to guilt. I was writhing in the guilty tangle that accompanies depression and realized something. A little bad parenting may be bad for the girls but it is good for me. It reminds me that I can’t do this by myself. I will fail. I can only succeed as a parent by God’s mercy. His mercy covers me and the girls. It is only by his mercy that I am alive and a Christian today so why should I assume the responsibility of making sure the girls are alive and Christians when they turn thirty. I just have to take care of them today. Then when tomorrow comes and I find that God has trusted me with them for another day I take care of them for that day.

Maybe I should retitle this post – One Day at a Time.



Isn't it funny how focus changes how things look? In the first photo the focus shows mostly the coloring (or in black and white the shading) of my eye. In the second photo the focus shifts slightly and you can see not only reflection of my hand with detail of my thumb but also K climbing the step below me and her shadow on the cement. (You will probably have to click on the image to see it big enough to see the details I just mentioned).

a commision

I just completed this for a friend who commissioned as a birthday gift for his wife (who is also a dear friend). He told me he wanted the photos and the quote and have them finished over with something protective.

He has seen some of my collage and decoupage. He likes the beeswax stuff but I knew when he realized it was wax he wouldn't go for it. He has an archivist's heart.

I really didn't want to do layers of decoupage. So I used Golden Gel Medium Extra Heavy Gel Matte. I did a small experimental collage with C's school portrait before I did this collage. I am pleased with how this turned out. I hope B likes it. He gave me a lot of freedom.

The music is the hymn He Leadeth Me and the text behind it is a page full of definitions for the word word.

If you've ever noticed the motif in my collages of three buttons or mirrors organized in a triangle (like they are in the center of the clock face in this collage) it is my own personal symbol for the trinity.

The fish has the word kairos in his belly.

The rest of the symbolism is pretty straightforward. I used gold leaf on the cross, the fish, and on the edge of the board (you can't see it very well here).

For those who collage, I found out something nice about the medium I used. You can glue surface objects using it and so it all happens in one final step rather than several steps as I generally work out for surface objects.

pumpkin farm

It was a beautiful day.





I love how pumpkin farms use old wagons.


Do you see the pony running in the background?


C wanted me to take this photo of her peeking through the tree.


K and my Mom.


I think my hubby is a good looking man. ;) He is a loving father too.


Both the girls were slightly off this weekend. They had congestion and slight fevers. As you can tell K was tired and needed a snuggle with Dad while we waited for the hay wagon so that we could take a hay ride.



This donkey was very funny. He and his companion were grazing about thirty yards away from me. I knelt down to take a photo of them. As soon as this fellow saw me, he started trotting towards me. I stayed where I was to see what would happened. He slowed down as he neared me and walked up next to me so his shoulder was next to my shoulder and stood there. I maintained my position to see what he would do next.

He waited for a few moments and then impatiently moved closer to me with a bit of a shove. He knew how the game was to be played and now I was supposed to scratch him. I laughingly obliged. Who can resist such a cut persistent critter?


This goat was very funny - I was having problems focusing and so I took three shots of him. I noticed that while I was focusing he would stop chewing his cud and as soon as the shutter clicked he would resume chewing.

I wonder if he was anticipating a flash? The barn the goats were in most of the time is quite dark. I saw many people photographing them and most people let the flash go off. I don't use a flash so at least I didn't dazzle him.


I took photos of this old horse last year. He looked a lot better last year than he did this year. You can see pictures of him from last year's pumpkin farm visit. He is blind in the eye you see here. I watched him walk right into a wall on that side. :(

He is also starting to lose his hair around his eyes and muzzle. I thought it was interesting that the loss of hair revealed what looks like painted on lips. :)

what things look like

It was pouring this morning when I left the house to make the 1.5 hour drive to the apple orchard to meet my sister A (who I often called (and still do call) apple). It was definitely a step in faith.

By the time we made it to Jordan it was just misting. A pulled into the McD's parking lot about three minutes after we did. We had hugs all around and then ran into the restaurant for a bathroom break. We piled into Belle (C named our Toyota Highlander Belle several years ago and it has stuck) and went to the orchard. When we got there it wasn't raining at all.

We went inside the main building and wandered around. We went into the refrigerated apple-tasting room where the fan for the cooler was running. It was very loud which scared K. So we went out and found a wagon to take us out to the orchard. We picked our bags of apples and then returned. We went into the building to pay but we left immediately without buying any goodies because K was scared.

A and I decided that it would be good to call it quits (K's cold was quite bad this morning. She was a real trooper and had a blast but you could tell she was sort of out of it) so we got back in Belle and left. We ate lunch at McD's and went home. It was a short but sweet day.

The photos were taken as we left. The apple orchard is approached by this road that winds under a canopy of gold. Last year the trees were much barer because we were a week later. I had wanted to take a photo last year but didn't. This year as we left I parked across the highway and then we walked up the road so that I could get a few shots of A and the girls.

When we got out of Belle to do the photos the sun broke through the clouds and it warmed up and we had beautiful light. In the ten minutes it took us to return to the car it started misting heavily. It was sprinkling by the time we reached McD's and when we left McD's it was pouring.

God's timing and God's light. :)




Milkweed - someday I will get a photo that feels definitive these don't. Not yet.




I like this photo from a walk that we took two weekends ago. Our church is printing a photo directory so we had an Olan Mills photo sitting that day. It is frustrating for me to let other people photograph us, especially 'professionals' who are only concerned with getting a likeness. I just now realized that one of the reasons I hate studio photos is that they are so unrealistic. Have you ever looked at a loved one in light that makes them look like that? It is unnatural. We have shadows on our faces, we squint, or the light only strikes the profile. Wow! Do I feel better for realizing exactly why those photos bug me so much!!


I know grandparents like them because they want to see what the child looks like. I know some people will say that portrait looks so much like so-and-so. But it doesn't...not really. It doesn't look like them in the way you see them at any given moment. If it looks like them it is because it is a fair representation of a collection of images you hold in your head all modeled together into an image with 'perfect' light that doesn't exist in the natural world.

Afterwards we went to the park. It was over eighty degrees that Saturday.

still here

I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I just don't have words and I don't want to bore you with pictures day after day and nothing else.


I'm working out a few bright ideas that will hopefully not turn out to be a bust. I am working on gifts.


C has two days off school so if all is well (K has a bad cold so I will see how she feels today) we will meet my sister A and go apple picking. Friday I might get to do the photo shoot I meant to do a couple of weekends ago. My parents are coming up this weekend and we will be going to pick pumpkins at the farm. It will be fun.

autumn colors

our colors haven't been great but some trees never fail

cute as a....

button.



Three years ago when K was six months old, C was three. We went to California for Christmas and somehow I managed to neglect packing suitable shirts for C. As a result, I bought the shirt that K now wears for her.

Three years ago. Where does it go?